Tag Archives: funny

The Monkey on My Back

4 Jun

So it’s been a while since my last post, since then A LOT has happened in my life. I’m now out of London, I’m in Italy (Poor me) with my fiancée and her family preparing to get married. I’m also working on my second children’s story complete with 17 original drawings… it’s crazy work!

In any case this silly set up for an image came to my mind the other day and I couldn’t resist drawing it! Hope this keeps your appetite wet, until I can draw and post more profusely 🙂

Enjoy – DD

 

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Airport Security; The Theme Park Queues of Life

9 Apr

Summer 2015 approaches, and so does the travel season. I will also be leaving London soon and I can’t help but think of the theme park queues of the travel industry! Theme park queues are those things that are quite terrible when we experience them but we often forget with time because usually the ride was so great that it overshadows the horrible queue. Well the theme park queue of travel is EASILY airport security.

Anyone who’s ever approached a plane in their life has a guaranteed horror story or at least a story of great discomfort when it comes to airport security. The padding down of grandma, the sifting through unmentionables before a bachelorette party, or even just the looking ever so slightly a little too foreign…. here’s to you! Maybe humour can make this passage ever so slightly more palatable!

Enjoy!

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

 

Faking Your Abs: 5 Great Muscle Hacks

29 Mar

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS REAL PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES FOUND ON THE INTERENT, ENJOY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Despite our well trained browsing eyes, we’ve all seen them; an internet ad so ridiculous, so ludicrous we can’t help but take a second, even a third look and maybe even tempt a click. In my case I’ve been targeting la crème de la crème of internet banner trash in seeking the GROSS MUSCLE photos. As bad as they are I have to give them a high five in creativity, and for a split second you begin the question your knowledge of physics and your entire knowledge of human biology, but a sobering word whispers at the back of your mind, shhhhhh, you just might hear it…. Photoshop.

In today’s DD post, I will be looking at Faking your ABS on the internet…. AND My own attempt at creating a Double D Hulk of one of an image of myself! Enjoy!

#1: The Head Transplant

Muscle1

Items Needed:

– 1 Ripped Guy
– 1 Head shot of yourself
– Knowledge of Cut and Paste

This is a classic, rather than morph your own muscles, borrow someone else’s! The key here is shadow and skin tone, if you have a match it makes your smudge work as easy as finger painting.

#2: The Hobbit Friend

Muscle2

Items Needed:

  • 1 photo of you looking jacked
  • 1 photo of a tiny pint sized friend
  • Knowledge of the Re-sizing tool

This one takes a page from Lord of the Rings, if things around are small by comparison you will in fact look bigger, or vice-versa. So get all those small friends out of their New Zealand Hobbit holes and start snapping away!

#3: The Liquifier

Muscle3

 

Items needed:

  • 1 Photo
  • Extensive Photoshop Liquify Knowledge

Difficulty level: Extreme! The image above combines the Hobbit friend technique but more importantly Liquify. For all you photoshop nubes, this literally means warping the photo to the proportions of your chiselled dreams. God help us if we ran into any of these graphic designed nightmares, but in the digital world he does exist!

 

#4: The Frankenarms

Muscle4

Items needed:
– Photo of you
– Photo of Jacked man
– Knowledge of cut and paste

This similar technique resembles the Head Transplant, the key is having a smooth cut away between the mixed images to make it look believable. In this case the shirt, integral to selling the idea that this man’s armpits hover around his belly button.

#5: The Shrunken Head

Muscle5

Items Needed:
– Photo of you
– Resizing tool

Rounding out the list is a simple but effective technique, similar to the head transplant this one instead uses your natural body and a shrunken head making it easier as you don’t have to fake the lighting or skin tone! Simply shrink your head, and put pack on your body. Of course it helps if you’re slightly ripped, otherwise you’ll just look like a neckless Monster.

#The Result: a DD Hulk

Given all these great tips I tried my own skills at creating a monster and below is the result! There were no limb transplants for this one, just simple organic liquefying, head shrinking, skin re-toning, and limb doubling of Myself! ENJOY!!!!

Airport Security HACK!

22 Jan

Beat the Queues!

Escape the Security madness with this foolproof Airport Security HACK!

Dom tested, probed, and approved 😉

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Cheers

DD

Purse vs Wallet

31 Dec

Dear Few Fans,

Happy OLD Year! As we draw closer to entering this new year (Good ole 2015), we are blessed with a moment of self reflection, a time to ponder our 2014 baggage that we want to leave behind and the good stuff worth keeping!

Ladies…. please, I beg you DITCH the Purses… or at least get smaller ones!

Yes, you can stuff everything you want into a purse, but I wouldn’t trade it for a wallet any day. Due to it’s limited space, a wallet is a constant source of self reflection, making me ponder every stub and card, and ounce of lint I put into it, unless I want a Rump roast in my pocket with a George Costanza acute way of sitting.

Purses are the attics of personal possession, we shove shit in there that we think one day we might use until the day comes when we actually need it and we are forced to sift through hundreds of boxes of unwanted receipts, unfinished sandwiches, and holy unmentionables. Making it take ages to find the one thing we wanted! I say this as former user of a European Carry Bag (NOT a Man-Purse) and the dangers of these bags far surpass the horrors of even the freezer; cryogenic sleeping chambers for unwanted food morsels.

Either keep that thing in order, or simply get a smaller purse, it’s a handy way to take hold of life, while still embracing change 😉

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Happy New Year

DD

Hipster Credo PART 2

11 Oct

My Sequel to the very FAMOUS Hipster Credo…. The material writes itself so I couldn’t resist!

Cheers

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

The Most Ridiculous Warnings: Flying Safely

10 Oct

Being a Canadian in London, with an Italian girlfriend, I’m no stranger to taking my fair share of flights. I still remember my first flight, I was going to Washington and the security definitely left a notable taste on the new fallen snow of my impressionable palette, but so did everything. The view of barren trees, and snow dusted fields in the peak of winter was like watching the twist of an Empire Strikes Back for the very first time. I was in a veritable candy land. My five senses operating at full capacity as if I had drank a triple shot espresso. After listening to the in flight safety lecture, I felt as if I understood half of Jerry Seinfeld’s lifetime of work. But that enthusiasm (like in all things) quickly faded. I may have listened once or twice more but then the in flight safety lecture quickly became to me as it is known to most:  an obstacle to my in flight guilty pleasure movies, or trying to dive into my latest and greatest New York times Best Seller, because to have actual taste is an abomination. This went on for many a flight: lesson after lesson, and lecture after lecture, until recently that is….

The other day I decided I was DUE for a refresher on in flight safety. I had decided that enough was enough, and that if the plane were to to have any malfunctions for some reason, I’d be the ONE HERO who LISTENED!

‘Sirs and Maddams’ I would say according to my inflated ego ‘Don’t mind the water pressure around the Cabin or the burning engine on our left, simply Relax because Dominic (Me) has LISTENED! Simply look under your seats for your safety vests and HERE, THERE, and THERE for you nearest exits’ The plane would obviously applaud my calming confidence, and we’d be saved, or at least that’s how it played out in my head.

But as I listened this time to the safety instructions I couldn’t help but notice that even the Flight Attendants had found ways to go on auto-pilot. They weren’t even listening to themselves… and appropriately so, because half the speech wouldn’t save anyone and the other half is just plane ridiculous! First off which 1950’s Newspaper mogul still needs reminding that this is a Non Smoking flight, oh wait I thought I saw the Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man rolling up in 17A and B. NO I didn’t, this is like announcing that this will be an Airborne flight, No shit Sherlock.

And then there are the seat-belts, followed by jaded, neurotic, little old constables that check to see if you’ve been Knotty of Knot. On my last flight they even announced that I shouldn’t have it buckled at one point while I should at another. What does that even mean? That’s like telling your employee that SHEs too on time for work… WTF? What is this aerobics class? Buckle up, un-buckle, buckle up, un-buckle, now reach for that safety vest! GOOD JOB!

But the weirdest one is that Oxygen mask thing…. you all know what I’m talking about. “If you are with children, Please remember to put your own oxygen mask before helping others do so” I get the principle of this…. you can’t ensure the safety of others until you yourself are safe…. but why don’t they say something like that? It feels weird and cryptic. It’s as if we’re always telling people to be nice and generous, but in this one instance we’re saying screw everyone else and be a George Costanza. I guess it seems like common sense to me but I can’t help but imagine that one asshole who was already going to fix his or her own mask first in any case.

Anyway, let’s just rush through the announcements so Flight Attendants get back to what they were really intended for; door to door product pushers!

Bon voyage:

DD

If you like this post you should check out my other post on ridiculous warnings: No Robbers !

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉