The Most Ridiculous Warnings: Flying Safely

10 Oct

Being a Canadian in London, with an Italian girlfriend, I’m no stranger to taking my fair share of flights. I still remember my first flight, I was going to Washington and the security definitely left a notable taste on the new fallen snow of my impressionable palette, but so did everything. The view of barren trees, and snow dusted fields in the peak of winter was like watching the twist of an Empire Strikes Back for the very first time. I was in a veritable candy land. My five senses operating at full capacity as if I had drank a triple shot espresso. After listening to the in flight safety lecture, I felt as if I understood half of Jerry Seinfeld’s lifetime of work. But that enthusiasm (like in all things) quickly faded. I may have listened once or twice more but then the in flight safety lecture quickly became to me as it is known to most:  an obstacle to my in flight guilty pleasure movies, or trying to dive into my latest and greatest New York times Best Seller, because to have actual taste is an abomination. This went on for many a flight: lesson after lesson, and lecture after lecture, until recently that is….

The other day I decided I was DUE for a refresher on in flight safety. I had decided that enough was enough, and that if the plane were to to have any malfunctions for some reason, I’d be the ONE HERO who LISTENED!

‘Sirs and Maddams’ I would say according to my inflated ego ‘Don’t mind the water pressure around the Cabin or the burning engine on our left, simply Relax because Dominic (Me) has LISTENED! Simply look under your seats for your safety vests and HERE, THERE, and THERE for you nearest exits’ The plane would obviously applaud my calming confidence, and we’d be saved, or at least that’s how it played out in my head.

But as I listened this time to the safety instructions I couldn’t help but notice that even the Flight Attendants had found ways to go on auto-pilot. They weren’t even listening to themselves… and appropriately so, because half the speech wouldn’t save anyone and the other half is just plane ridiculous! First off which 1950’s Newspaper mogul still needs reminding that this is a Non Smoking flight, oh wait I thought I saw the Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man rolling up in 17A and B. NO I didn’t, this is like announcing that this will be an Airborne flight, No shit Sherlock.

And then there are the seat-belts, followed by jaded, neurotic, little old constables that check to see if you’ve been Knotty of Knot. On my last flight they even announced that I shouldn’t have it buckled at one point while I should at another. What does that even mean? That’s like telling your employee that SHEs too on time for work… WTF? What is this aerobics class? Buckle up, un-buckle, buckle up, un-buckle, now reach for that safety vest! GOOD JOB!

But the weirdest one is that Oxygen mask thing…. you all know what I’m talking about. “If you are with children, Please remember to put your own oxygen mask before helping others do so” I get the principle of this…. you can’t ensure the safety of others until you yourself are safe…. but why don’t they say something like that? It feels weird and cryptic. It’s as if we’re always telling people to be nice and generous, but in this one instance we’re saying screw everyone else and be a George Costanza. I guess it seems like common sense to me but I can’t help but imagine that one asshole who was already going to fix his or her own mask first in any case.

Anyway, let’s just rush through the announcements so Flight Attendants get back to what they were really intended for; door to door product pushers!

Bon voyage:

DD

If you like this post you should check out my other post on ridiculous warnings: No Robbers !

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

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The Hipster Credo

9 Oct

I Know it’s been a while but I’m going to try and have several posts this week, Including a classic rant 😉

In the meanwhile this will hopefully satiate any appetite you may have…. so please, Enjoy my take on the trials and tribulations of being a Hipster!

hipster Credo

The Machine

29 Jul

Here’s a post to simply break my drought… I’ve had quite a few blog ideas but what feels like no time to either write or draw. The other day I had this feeling that everything can easily become a bit to automatic as if we were all just passing through the assembly line of life…. yes I know, a bit mellow dramatic. None the less, the fruit of this thought is simply below! Hope you enjoy!

DD

The Machine

Pulling a New Generation

31 May

Okay, so this is kind of a funny story! This drawing was not…. queue drum roll… an original idea! NOOOOO!

I was at the coffee shop, trying to do some paper work between rushes when a colleague comes in the back asking for me! As I manage the shop, this usually means a refund or a “great” complaint to handle. I begrudgingly remove my self from the laptop to greet the elderly gentleman but something’s weird…. He’s smiling. He then asks if I’m the manager? I say yes. He then asks if I also do illustrations? I say a very confused yes.

Turns out he had just seen a parent dragging their child on a scooter. Thus defeating all few physical benefits of the scooter. And as the witness was an elderly gentleman, I assume he walked uphill, barefoot, 10 km, knee deep in snow, and avoiding Russian spies every day just to get outside the house! So naturally the sight of such a lethargic child shocked him and he wanted to commission a cartoon. His plan you ask? Post it around the neighbourhood, send it to papers, shout it from a mountain top! He even offered to pay me. I declined, but the idea did make me smile; thus, the below illustration.

It turns out he had seen a friend of mine drawing in the shop. They started talking and the friend told him the manager of the shop was a quite the cartoonist. Well thanks Chris!

In any case, while I was doing this it also inspired my last two posts: Walking the baby and Don’t Sweat it.

Hope you enjoy!

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original

A Dominic Durocher Original

Walking the baby!

27 May

These leashes have become all too popular! Maybe I need kids to understand this, but the sight of a young one on a leash makes my societal gastronomical system churn every time I see them. What’s even more hysterical is that in the UK there are some awesome pet owners that don’t even use a leash with their dog. I have literally seen a client walk into my Café, the dog stays at the entrance, doesn’t meander and returns to his master’s side as they exit. WOW! I guess training children a bit inhumane!

Cheers

DD

 

A new Leash on life

Don’t Sweat it!

27 May

When I lived in the South of France, I once saw an owner walking his dog, or at least walking beside his Dog, and having his dog walking himself. The owner was relatively fit, but the below image made an immediate impression on my psyche. Hope you enjoy my attempt at Satire!

Cheers

DD

Chunky Walker

 

Anatomy of a Chocolate Box

20 May

A small, indie, underground film once said “life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you’re gonna get.” Well they clearly never saw my NEW Awesome Chocolate Box Guide! Complete with all the classics, such as: prize chocolates, drifters, fillers and of course the duds! Let me know what you think of if you’d add any 🙂

Cheers,

DD

Chocolate Box