Archive | October, 2014
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The Worst Baby-chino

14 Oct

Never has our society been more opinionated than today! And it’s not just opinionated, it’s openly opinionated. Frankly this entire blog is one massive collection of my thoughts…. Sorry believers, it’s not scientific merit it’s just a Double D opinion.

The day of the local critic is over… where one man or woman can incite fear into the hearts of local businesses with one bad review…. Finished! Websites like Urban spoon, Yelp, Just Eat, Trip Advisor, and five more since this blog has been published, have made the general population all into local critics. What’s scary about the General Population….. Shhhh, keep your voice down as some people might figure this out…. is that it consists of: you…… and I. SHOCK, I know! Who saw that coming?

We are all entitled to our opinion and there are a multitude of ways of making the world hear it. We don’t even need to be active participants anymore, like the receiving of a survey after you took a flight. That’s right, no consuming of the product is necessary. You can walk past a store, be nauseated at the use of Cominc Sans in the logo, and write a 1 start review just for Graphic Crimes against modern day Aesthetics! Ridiculous, but entirely true. The real issue however is that combined with our opinion drenched universe is the reality that the deeper the words cut, the longer the scars will last.

When’s the last time you read a three out of five star review? Generally speaking we want the pros and cons right away, and skip right over the lukewarm advice and get to those favourable or un-favourable 1 or 5 star reviews. The result? The creation of a polarized nation of self-automated opinion spewers of lovers and haters! So you say Dominic, what’s the matter? One bad review in 100 will simply get lost in the clutter and the truth will prevail! You’re right, but some people will always listen to the minority.

My fellow barista brother, once told me that the most ludicrous complaint he had ever received was from a mother, saying that the Babychino her child was drinking was the worst he had ever had. This is ludicrous for so many reasons. Firstly being that babychinos are write-offs on any café menu. They cost peanuts to make and are sold for even less. A drop of cold milk, a dollop of foam, and a sprinkle of chocolate for your child’s delight. The idea being that the kid can feel like a grown-up if for only a moment. It’s a fun, simple drink, that even if the kid doesn’t like it, typically costs less than 50 cents so nothing lost.

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Okay so even if it was true, the fact of encouraging such an extreme opinion at such a young age for me far trumps any deficiencies that a poorly constructed babychino might have. Okay so it was paid for, does everyone now become all of a sudden a Gordon Ramsay of bipolar extremes? What does the kid say when he’s at a friends house and doesn’t like the food? “Uhmmm Bobby’s mom! This beef stew is tough and appalling, I’d flush it away but fear offending the toilet boil!” The danger is not only one incredibly rude child, but one sheltered and afraid of new experience. The more serious we believe our own opinions, the more we get caught up in our own bullshit and forget about fact, we start to shut ourselves out from the world. There’s something to be said by: that was okay, I think I need to try it again. We have to remember that these thoughts are not facts, or matters of science, but simply a statement of perception.

So let’s all collectively relax. Before opinions, we must ALWAYS remember an open mind and our table side manors, after all we live in a Civilization of which civility is ought to be the basis. When we teach our child to complain, especially when they are at a young age, we might just leave a bitter flavour that lasts longer then that horrid taste of that awful babychino.

Bless you,

DD

Hipster Credo PART 2

11 Oct

My Sequel to the very FAMOUS Hipster Credo…. The material writes itself so I couldn’t resist!

Cheers

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

The Most Ridiculous Warnings: Flying Safely

10 Oct

Being a Canadian in London, with an Italian girlfriend, I’m no stranger to taking my fair share of flights. I still remember my first flight, I was going to Washington and the security definitely left a notable taste on the new fallen snow of my impressionable palette, but so did everything. The view of barren trees, and snow dusted fields in the peak of winter was like watching the twist of an Empire Strikes Back for the very first time. I was in a veritable candy land. My five senses operating at full capacity as if I had drank a triple shot espresso. After listening to the in flight safety lecture, I felt as if I understood half of Jerry Seinfeld’s lifetime of work. But that enthusiasm (like in all things) quickly faded. I may have listened once or twice more but then the in flight safety lecture quickly became to me as it is known to most:  an obstacle to my in flight guilty pleasure movies, or trying to dive into my latest and greatest New York times Best Seller, because to have actual taste is an abomination. This went on for many a flight: lesson after lesson, and lecture after lecture, until recently that is….

The other day I decided I was DUE for a refresher on in flight safety. I had decided that enough was enough, and that if the plane were to to have any malfunctions for some reason, I’d be the ONE HERO who LISTENED!

‘Sirs and Maddams’ I would say according to my inflated ego ‘Don’t mind the water pressure around the Cabin or the burning engine on our left, simply Relax because Dominic (Me) has LISTENED! Simply look under your seats for your safety vests and HERE, THERE, and THERE for you nearest exits’ The plane would obviously applaud my calming confidence, and we’d be saved, or at least that’s how it played out in my head.

But as I listened this time to the safety instructions I couldn’t help but notice that even the Flight Attendants had found ways to go on auto-pilot. They weren’t even listening to themselves… and appropriately so, because half the speech wouldn’t save anyone and the other half is just plane ridiculous! First off which 1950’s Newspaper mogul still needs reminding that this is a Non Smoking flight, oh wait I thought I saw the Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man rolling up in 17A and B. NO I didn’t, this is like announcing that this will be an Airborne flight, No shit Sherlock.

And then there are the seat-belts, followed by jaded, neurotic, little old constables that check to see if you’ve been Knotty of Knot. On my last flight they even announced that I shouldn’t have it buckled at one point while I should at another. What does that even mean? That’s like telling your employee that SHEs too on time for work… WTF? What is this aerobics class? Buckle up, un-buckle, buckle up, un-buckle, now reach for that safety vest! GOOD JOB!

But the weirdest one is that Oxygen mask thing…. you all know what I’m talking about. “If you are with children, Please remember to put your own oxygen mask before helping others do so” I get the principle of this…. you can’t ensure the safety of others until you yourself are safe…. but why don’t they say something like that? It feels weird and cryptic. It’s as if we’re always telling people to be nice and generous, but in this one instance we’re saying screw everyone else and be a George Costanza. I guess it seems like common sense to me but I can’t help but imagine that one asshole who was already going to fix his or her own mask first in any case.

Anyway, let’s just rush through the announcements so Flight Attendants get back to what they were really intended for; door to door product pushers!

Bon voyage:

DD

If you like this post you should check out my other post on ridiculous warnings: No Robbers !

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

The Hipster Credo

9 Oct

I Know it’s been a while but I’m going to try and have several posts this week, Including a classic rant 😉

In the meanwhile this will hopefully satiate any appetite you may have…. so please, Enjoy my take on the trials and tribulations of being a Hipster!

hipster Credo