The Monkey on My Back

4 Jun

So it’s been a while since my last post, since then A LOT has happened in my life. I’m now out of London, I’m in Italy (Poor me) with my fiancĂŠe and her family preparing to get married. I’m also working on my second children’s story complete with 17 original drawings… it’s crazy work!

In any case this silly set up for an image came to my mind the other day and I couldn’t resist drawing it! Hope this keeps your appetite wet, until I can draw and post more profusely 🙂

Enjoy – DD

 

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

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Airport Security; The Theme Park Queues of Life

9 Apr

Summer 2015 approaches, and so does the travel season. I will also be leaving London soon and I can’t help but think of the theme park queues of the travel industry! Theme park queues are those things that are quite terrible when we experience them but we often forget with time because usually the ride was so great that it overshadows the horrible queue. Well the theme park queue of travel is EASILY airport security.

Anyone who’s ever approached a plane in their life has a guaranteed horror story or at least a story of great discomfort when it comes to airport security. The padding down of grandma, the sifting through unmentionables before a bachelorette party, or even just the looking ever so slightly a little too foreign…. here’s to you! Maybe humour can make this passage ever so slightly more palatable!

Enjoy!

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

 

Faking Your Abs: 5 Great Muscle Hacks

29 Mar

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS REAL PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES FOUND ON THE INTERENT, ENJOY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Despite our well trained browsing eyes, we’ve all seen them; an internet ad so ridiculous, so ludicrous we can’t help but take a second, even a third look and maybe even tempt a click. In my case I’ve been targeting la crème de la crème of internet banner trash in seeking the GROSS MUSCLE photos. As bad as they are I have to give them a high five in creativity, and for a split second you begin the question your knowledge of physics and your entire knowledge of human biology, but a sobering word whispers at the back of your mind, shhhhhh, you just might hear it…. Photoshop.

In today’s DD post, I will be looking at Faking your ABS on the internet…. AND My own attempt at creating a Double D Hulk of one of an image of myself! Enjoy!

#1: The Head Transplant

Muscle1

Items Needed:

– 1 Ripped Guy
– 1 Head shot of yourself
– Knowledge of Cut and Paste

This is a classic, rather than morph your own muscles, borrow someone else’s! The key here is shadow and skin tone, if you have a match it makes your smudge work as easy as finger painting.

#2: The Hobbit Friend

Muscle2

Items Needed:

  • 1 photo of you looking jacked
  • 1 photo of a tiny pint sized friend
  • Knowledge of the Re-sizing tool

This one takes a page from Lord of the Rings, if things around are small by comparison you will in fact look bigger, or vice-versa. So get all those small friends out of their New Zealand Hobbit holes and start snapping away!

#3: The Liquifier

Muscle3

 

Items needed:

  • 1 Photo
  • Extensive Photoshop Liquify Knowledge

Difficulty level: Extreme! The image above combines the Hobbit friend technique but more importantly Liquify. For all you photoshop nubes, this literally means warping the photo to the proportions of your chiselled dreams. God help us if we ran into any of these graphic designed nightmares, but in the digital world he does exist!

 

#4: The Frankenarms

Muscle4

Items needed:
– Photo of you
– Photo of Jacked man
– Knowledge of cut and paste

This similar technique resembles the Head Transplant, the key is having a smooth cut away between the mixed images to make it look believable. In this case the shirt, integral to selling the idea that this man’s armpits hover around his belly button.

#5: The Shrunken Head

Muscle5

Items Needed:
– Photo of you
– Resizing tool

Rounding out the list is a simple but effective technique, similar to the head transplant this one instead uses your natural body and a shrunken head making it easier as you don’t have to fake the lighting or skin tone! Simply shrink your head, and put pack on your body. Of course it helps if you’re slightly ripped, otherwise you’ll just look like a neckless Monster.

#The Result: a DD Hulk

Given all these great tips I tried my own skills at creating a monster and below is the result! There were no limb transplants for this one, just simple organic liquefying, head shrinking, skin re-toning, and limb doubling of Myself! ENJOY!!!!

Airport Security HACK!

22 Jan

Beat the Queues!

Escape the Security madness with this foolproof Airport Security HACK!

Dom tested, probed, and approved 😉

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Cheers

DD

Purse vs Wallet

31 Dec

Dear Few Fans,

Happy OLD Year! As we draw closer to entering this new year (Good ole 2015), we are blessed with a moment of self reflection, a time to ponder our 2014 baggage that we want to leave behind and the good stuff worth keeping!

Ladies…. please, I beg you DITCH the Purses… or at least get smaller ones!

Yes, you can stuff everything you want into a purse, but I wouldn’t trade it for a wallet any day. Due to it’s limited space, a wallet is a constant source of self reflection, making me ponder every stub and card, and ounce of lint I put into it, unless I want a Rump roast in my pocket with a George Costanza acute way of sitting.

Purses are the attics of personal possession, we shove shit in there that we think one day we might use until the day comes when we actually need it and we are forced to sift through hundreds of boxes of unwanted receipts, unfinished sandwiches, and holy unmentionables. Making it take ages to find the one thing we wanted! I say this as former user of a European Carry Bag (NOT a Man-Purse) and the dangers of these bags far surpass the horrors of even the freezer; cryogenic sleeping chambers for unwanted food morsels.

Either keep that thing in order, or simply get a smaller purse, it’s a handy way to take hold of life, while still embracing change 😉

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Happy New Year

DD

Image

The Worst Baby-chino

14 Oct

Never has our society been more opinionated than today! And it’s not just opinionated, it’s openly opinionated. Frankly this entire blog is one massive collection of my thoughts…. Sorry believers, it’s not scientific merit it’s just a Double D opinion.

The day of the local critic is over… where one man or woman can incite fear into the hearts of local businesses with one bad review…. Finished! Websites like Urban spoon, Yelp, Just Eat, Trip Advisor, and five more since this blog has been published, have made the general population all into local critics. What’s scary about the General Population….. Shhhh, keep your voice down as some people might figure this out…. is that it consists of: you…… and I. SHOCK, I know! Who saw that coming?

We are all entitled to our opinion and there are a multitude of ways of making the world hear it. We don’t even need to be active participants anymore, like the receiving of a survey after you took a flight. That’s right, no consuming of the product is necessary. You can walk past a store, be nauseated at the use of Cominc Sans in the logo, and write a 1 start review just for Graphic Crimes against modern day Aesthetics! Ridiculous, but entirely true. The real issue however is that combined with our opinion drenched universe is the reality that the deeper the words cut, the longer the scars will last.

When’s the last time you read a three out of five star review? Generally speaking we want the pros and cons right away, and skip right over the lukewarm advice and get to those favourable or un-favourable 1 or 5 star reviews. The result? The creation of a polarized nation of self-automated opinion spewers of lovers and haters! So you say Dominic, what’s the matter? One bad review in 100 will simply get lost in the clutter and the truth will prevail! You’re right, but some people will always listen to the minority.

My fellow barista brother, once told me that the most ludicrous complaint he had ever received was from a mother, saying that the Babychino her child was drinking was the worst he had ever had. This is ludicrous for so many reasons. Firstly being that babychinos are write-offs on any cafĂŠ menu. They cost peanuts to make and are sold for even less. A drop of cold milk, a dollop of foam, and a sprinkle of chocolate for your child’s delight. The idea being that the kid can feel like a grown-up if for only a moment. It’s a fun, simple drink, that even if the kid doesn’t like it, typically costs less than 50 cents so nothing lost.

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉

Okay so even if it was true, the fact of encouraging such an extreme opinion at such a young age for me far trumps any deficiencies that a poorly constructed babychino might have. Okay so it was paid for, does everyone now become all of a sudden a Gordon Ramsay of bipolar extremes? What does the kid say when he’s at a friends house and doesn’t like the food? “Uhmmm Bobby’s mom! This beef stew is tough and appalling, I’d flush it away but fear offending the toilet boil!” The danger is not only one incredibly rude child, but one sheltered and afraid of new experience. The more serious we believe our own opinions, the more we get caught up in our own bullshit and forget about fact, we start to shut ourselves out from the world. There’s something to be said by: that was okay, I think I need to try it again. We have to remember that these thoughts are not facts, or matters of science, but simply a statement of perception.

So let’s all collectively relax. Before opinions, we must ALWAYS remember an open mind and our table side manors, after all we live in a Civilization of which civility is ought to be the basis. When we teach our child to complain, especially when they are at a young age, we might just leave a bitter flavour that lasts longer then that horrid taste of that awful babychino.

Bless you,

DD

Hipster Credo PART 2

11 Oct

My Sequel to the very FAMOUS Hipster Credo…. The material writes itself so I couldn’t resist!

Cheers

DD

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion ;-)

A Dominic Durocher Original, please use at my discretion 😉